Home / Essays / 2016 / February / C.O.A.E.E (Confessions Of An Emotional Eater)- Week 5

C.O.A.E.E (Confessions Of An Emotional Eater)- Week 5

This weeks motto was "And when you think it can't get worse, it totally does!"

My back pain was acting up, I had a cold and a stiff fockin' neck and I kept remembering my dad and dreaming of him being in pain and dying all over again. So, all in all, not the best week. But, hey, not the worst either! Come on, stop feeling sorry for me! I'm definitely trying to! I'll walk you through what I ate real fast and then I'll tell what I learnt from this terrible week.

Here we go:

Monday morning I ate this. This, ladies and gents is Le Pecan. We love Le Pecan, unfortunately. Its crispy outside, the gooey-jammy center, the pecan nuts here and there...What's not to love, right?

Then, before a lil' bit o' work I ate a sandwich. Hey, it had peppers on the side, so it wasn't that bad.

That day I Lidl-ed. Yes, I use it as a verb now, deal with it. It was Polish week. I bought kabanos sausages, horseradish sauce in a jar and kaizer/Polish bacon. This bacon is just like the Romanian one and it is superior to any other bacon in the world! Yes, I said it and I meant it! I also bought wafers! I saw them sitting there all alone and lovely. Reminded me of the ones I used to eat when I was little, when life was simple and I still had a dad. Yes, that's the fucked up train of thought that lead to me buying them.

I got home and ate Hungarian goulash. Made by me, a Romanian. With a backpack full of Polish groceries. What can I say? I love my eastern European shit !

Waffle waffle, stay in bed, feel all crappy, sick and sad!

This right here is a grilled chicken kebab that I ate in bed while watching That 70's Show. Glorious. Simply glorious, I know.

Tuesday I forced my ass out of bed, because the house felt like chaos and I had to clean it. I hate being sick in a dirty house. I started lazily with awesome Romanian treats from Romanian's friends mom: cornulete cu rahat! Crumbly dough and bits of soft and chewy turkish delight. Alongside that, I tried a black tea flavored milk with chai spices. Since I can't have to proper thing cause I get dizzy and shit, this was a nice trick.

So, 11:17 this:

12:15 One and a half slices of bread with aubergine spread and tomatoes.

14:13 Carrot and ginger soup.

15:47 Goulash. That stuff just gets better and better.

21:00 Goulash. Again. I had some leftovers and I was lazy. What? Oh, shut up!

21:20 Had some cream cheese&cocoa frosting from the whole cake project and I thought "Hey, there's something very wrong I can do!" Took two bites and felt sick and dizzy, so I threw it away.

23:00 Cleaning done. Shower done. Sandwich and tea and pills. Chill.

Wednesday

11:35 Omelette, toast, porchetta, peppers and tomatoes.

13:00 Chocolate biscuit cake. Romanian made. Good stuff, man, really good stuff!

16:10 Mashed potato&carrot with stuffed chicken breast and peas.

20:00 Polenta. Sausage. Cheese. Heavy on the Romanian stuff this week! Tummy felt heavy and fat.

Thursday was a real low point. Woke up after a nasty dream. Cried a bit, I ain't gonna lie. Felt exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. Can't fucking catch a break. Rolled my sad ass out of bed and into the kitchen because lalalalala life goes on.

By lunch time, whatever the fuck that means, I felt hungry but also nauseous so I was confused. And hungry. And sad. I started watching some Beyonce because I needed some life force, some girl power, some motivation. It then occurred to me that I felt like eating pasta with something very light, like 2 flavours and lots of lovin'. I went for spaghetti with ricotta cheese and lemon. Topped with basil and parmesan. It was nice.

After that, I gave up. I went upstairs into the bedroom that now had 2 beds. Why? Because we sleep like shit in the first one. We're trying out another one. We're exchanging mattresses and surfaces and all that jazz so that maybe, just maybe I could get a fucking good night sleep. I'll still have the nightmares, sure, but maybe I won't wake up because of the back pain anymore. That way I can have longer nightmares that I can at least turn into movies/books later on, when my career will blossom from nothingness into something. And then I'll die. Where was I? Ah, yes. So, I picked a bed and sat there, eating white chocolate, grapes and chocolate wafers, watching Beyonce and Golden Girls. No, I'm not kidding. I'm a hot mess, baby. Come and get it.

I had a bath, thinking that would help with the cold thing and the "relax for fuck sake!" thing. Instead, I got all hot and dizzy, things turned black and I seemed to have lost my hearing for like a minute or so. I landed back in bed and stayed there for a while. At some point, I made myself a frozen pizza and a hot tea. Everything I eat, I eat in bed today. That is it.

I decided I need an outlet. I need yoga. I will start running. I will go dancing. To deal, to forget, to accept. I need to help myself, nobody else can't do that for me. Sorry to bum you guys out, but sometimes things just suck. Sometimes you fall into a big fucking dark hole and it's hard to climb back. Especially with weak knees and a plump booty. Don't worry, I'll rise up! Slowly and maybe not gracefully, but the end result is what matters here!

Friday. Overnight oats with grated apples. Bad combo. Don't do it. Just don't, it's a disappointment waiting to happen. Ate half in disgust.

11:44 Sandwich. Tea.

14:12 Cabbage and bacon stew with polenta.

19:30 Spicy wings with sweet roasted potatoes and blue cheese sauce. Yup, we done fucked up. Delicious fuck up,though.

It was dirty, saucy, spicy and all over the place. Juuuuuuicy!

Nutella on a stick, man! Half for me, half for lover boy. With warm milk, of course! Because that's sssexy (Sssylvester ssssexy)

Saturday I woke up at 12:00. Wtf happened there?! No ideea...I guess I was tired. I don't know what's going on. I'd freak out, but I'm too exhausted.

12:20 Slice of bread, salami, butter, tea. Real old school cafeteria-like food. The Cafeteria Of The Poor and Depressed.

16:00 Le Raisin. With milk. Behind it you can see a failed dough that was supposed to become something but instead failed at life. Hey, just like me!

18:00 Leftover sssufferin' succotash wings with broccoli. Remember that dough that didn't become what she wanted to? I stuck it in the oven just to see what happens. Poured some olive oil on it, salt and pepper. Got something between a flat bread and a huge ass grissini. No, I'm definitely not projecting. 

12:30 Cabbage stew with polenta. Why then? Because that's when we were hungry. And because we're just plain stupid.

Sunday was Pizza Day. You'll read all about that on The Friends Food Challenge. Shh, no spoilers!

Oh, and this:

Ooops, I did it again!

Yeah. And this:

Le Pecan undercover as Le Raisin! 

And that, boys and girls is my Semana Terrible right here. That's Spanish for "I fucked up and I blame life, because it's unfair and hard!". I promised myself to try and help myself and I'll eat better this week and once my running shoes appear, by the magical ways of home delivery, I'll get the party started. Hope I don't fall on my face! Fingers crossed!