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S01E12 The one with the salmon roulettes

Whistle while you work, tanananananana (music sign), then watch this clip and try to guess the lovely episode.


Man, I wish I had a monkey! Then I wouldn't need an excuse to listen to that song. I'd call her Cheesecake, and she would be my Cheesecake! I'd teach her how to cook and we would make wonderful,slightly hairy treats together! She'd d have a tiny apron that says “go bananas” and she would. And I'd say “Cheesie, stop going bananas, we need to get those cookies in the oven!” And like a good sidekick, she would listen. In one year tops, we'd have our own tv show “There's a monkey in my kitchen!” and thus Ratatouille will be long forgotten because Cheesecake will be in your homes every Saturday evening, basically saying that if a monkey can do it, you can do it too! I think that is the perfect angle and my key to that door called “success” that I can't seem to find on my own. That's why I need a monkey! If tomorrow, this idea still sounds as life changing as it does now, I'm going ape! I swear I'm not high, nor drunk. I do crave cheesecake like a mother fucker, so maybe that explains a piece of the craziness you just witnessed. The other piece has no excuse. It's merely a result of the lack of grip over my own life. So, nothing new there. Fortunately, Wikihow truly has the answers for everything!


Hey, I'm all better now! Anyway, the episode is “The one with all the poker” and the recipe is “Salmon roulletes with assorted cruditees”. Sounds fancy as fuck. It's really not a big deal, don't be deceived. If you translate it into regular, non-posh vocabulary, it's just salmon rolls with raw veggies. It was either this or “pretz” and I just found this more appealing.

Things and stuff:

  • a whisk
  • a couple of bowls
  • a pan
  • knife
  • spoon

It was this big:

  • 5 crepes, 1 big roll, 10 pinwheel shaped rolls

It took this long:

15-20 min preparation, 1 hour for the crepe batter to sit before using.


The Process:
Step 1: Crack the eggs in a mixing bowl, near the flour. Do it in a silly way, so that it looks like a flour-eating monster.

Step 2: Start killing the monster with a whisk. As in beat those eggs into submission. 

Step 3: Incorporate the flour into the eggs. It should be fairly thick and lump free.

Step 4: Add the milk, slowly but surely. Then throw in there the 2 tablespoons of olive oil and a lil' bit of salt. Cover with cling film or a plate and leave to sit for at least an hour.

Step 5: Heat a pan. Non stick, if you want your life to be easy and crepes to be crepes. Convince a knob a butter to melt, and then pour a ladle of your batter and swirl it around until it evenly covers the bottom of your pan. Leave it to cook for a minute or so and then flip it like there's no tomorrow. Another 30 seconds on the other side and you are done! Repeat until you're out of batter! Ta-daaa:


Step 1: Mix the goat cheese with the greek yogurt, sage and pepper.

Step 2: Chop the avocado.

Step 3: Do nothing to the salmon.


Step 1: Take a double piece of cling film, large enough to fit 2 crepes, slightly overlapping each-other. Like so:

Step 2: Layer that with your goat cheese and yogurt filling.

Step 3: Salmon time! Squeeze some lemon juice on that layer of pink, it will love it!

Step 4: Get that avocado in there!

Step 5: Roll it like a cigar and smoke it! 

Umph, there it is! Do not attempt to *really* smoke it. Let's play pretend, act like it comes naturally ;)

Step 6: Leave it in the fridge to think about its new found salami shape.At least half an hour, or up to one day. I used mine the second day.

Step 7: Slice those babies up, arrange them on a plate with your veggies of choice and a olive oil and lemon vinaigrette.

Feedback: Easy to make, they look fancy enough to fool a bunch a people expecting fancy things from you and it's delicious! I see no down side to this. I wonder what Cheesecake would think of these. She's more into desserts really, but I do trust her monkey taste buds.

I bid you farewell, homies! Until the next one, happy eating! ;)